TAKING PEOPLE AT FACE VALUE

I generally take people at face value, because being an Aspergic I cannot read faces very well.

I understand extreme facial expressions well enough. It is the nuances that I have difficulty with. It is also made more awkward by the fact I don't make much eye contact with someone unless I know them very well. When I do make eye contact it tends to be inappropriate.

If I am in a group I focus on one person and my vision tunnels to exclude the others. It is a coping strategy that I have subconsciously developed over the years. I have developed many coping strategies, some good, others, well enough. But they don't cover all situations by a long way.

I am 58 and only learnt about Aspergers 11 years ago while listening to Nicky Campbell on Radio 5 Live. All my life I knew there was something seriously wrong but didn't know where to go about it. Even then it still proved difficult to find out about Aspergers. I analysed what made me different from other people usually to find it was part of the spectrum. Even my local mental health professionals were, at the time, learning about the disorder. The problem being I am not a raging sufferer; I'm a subtler type.

I am compulsive, far too talkative, very shy, very self conscious and, although I say it myself, intelligent. I hate confrontation; I cannot argue to save my life, but I am stubborn. I'm in fact full of contradictions.

I have a magpie brain that picks up tit bits of information, mostly fairly useless, and stores it forever. But my brain is wired in a weird way. If I can crib for some reason I just don't remember. For instance I've been able to type for over forty years, yet I still have to watch my fingers while they do the typing. I spent 8 years trying to learn musical instruments, same thing made worse by the fact I had to translate the music note by note. It never came to me automatically. I can draw extremely well so long as I am copying.

Yes, I will say it. Although Aspergers is a pain in the ass condition to have it does have some wonderful what I call gifts.